Have you ever thought about why some kids are bullied and others - many more in fact, are never approached by the bully? As a former child-victim of just about every bully in my school and neighborhood - I did. And, after literally recreating my life with the lessons that actually work, I discovered something very powerful. I discovered that the very thing that is most lacking in victims of bullies, is the exact same trigger that the bully is looking for!
The focus of this article is on those traits and characteristics that set victims of bullying behavior apart from just about everyone else! What I want to share with you today is the answer to the age old question...
"Why is your child the victim of bullies?"
And, regardless of whether it is because your son or daughter is...
- Or whatever.
- It just doesn't matter.
And the reason that it doesn't matter is this (are you ready for a lesson that will be the most difficult to swallow, and may even make you stop reading this article right now?)...
The fact of the matter is that no one is required to "like" your child. Oh sure, we're all taught to accept one another's differences. But does that really change anything?
On the outside maybe. But then, all that changes is that most of us "choose" to not say or act on the thoughts we have about others whom we consider to be...
- Or any other descriptors that we use on a regular basis - but never speak out loud.
The reality of the world is that there will always be those who do not filter their thoughts, words, and actions - there will always be people who believe that, to get what they want, it is okay to use force, or the threat of force to get it!
"But, I can hear you asking, "what does this have to do with the kids who aren't being bullied?" Why am I talking about your child, and the thoughts that you have about others?
And here is the point. The point is that, neither you, I, or any law ever created can really stop those who really want to act out in harmful, destructive ways.
And that goes for bullying too!
No amount of re-education, punishment, or attempts to reason with people who "want" to bully, is going to stop bullying.
And, this is where the solution lies...
It doesn't have to!
No. Because, if we could just see beyond the fact that it's "our child" who's being bullied, we could see that the vast majority of kids in your child's group...
Are NOT being bullied!
And, the reason for that is two-fold. First, there are certain traits that the bullies are looking for, that your child not only possesses, but displays openly that attract bullies to them. And...
The way that your child responds to a bully's advances tells the bully that he's found what he needs - a victim.
So, why don't most kids have to deal with bullies? It's because they do not exhibit the traits and signals that bullies are looking for, and when someone does approach them with bullying behavior...
They don't respond in a way that makes themselves an accomplice to their own bullying!
They possess the one trait that is virtually guaranteed to make any bully look elsewhere. And that trait is:
If you really want to make it so that your child knows how to deal with a bully, you must start with the heart-breaking task of accepting that your child displays the signs that predators are looking for. You must discover why they believe the bully's attacks on them are real, and hurtful.
And then, you must be courageous enough to take the action necessary, either on your own or by getting outside help, to give your child the tools, lessons, and skills necessary to stop bullying from "effecting" them. Even if that means enrolling your child in a program that teaches martial arts for kids because the bullying that your child is dealing with is raw aggression and physical violence.
Let me say it again...
It doesn't matter if your child is any of those things that I listed before. What matters is their response when someone makes fun of that thing. Because, if they are secure in their "shortness," like the way they look, or are really okay with being "who" they are... I wouldn't be talking to you about your child.
And, remember also that, it doesn't matter if you don't want your child to fight. If they are attacked physically, by a bully now, or by a criminal assailant later in life - and they haven't been given the tools to "not get beaten, broken, or killed," that's EXACTLY what's going to happen to them! It's not about "fighting."
"It's about "surviving" - mentally, physically, emotionally, and at their core!
If you do not deal with the reality that, even if you stop bullying from touching your child now, that the same traits that drew previous bullies, will attract others later on when he or she is in a different school, in college, or on the job, you are living in denial, ignorance, and dependent on others to make the problem go away.
The truth is that you will never be able to stop bullying from occurring in the world. Never.
But, you can take very real, and very effective steps to ensure that bullying - and the effect of bullying - does not touch your child in a way that does any real harm!
Are you ready to give your child the lessons and tools that will really show them how to deal with bullies and to stop bullying? How? By understanding that much of what is currently being taught in most of the so-called anti-bullying programs simply doesn't work!