As parents, we all want what's best for our children. We want them to be happy, healthy, successful, and free from danger. But we may not always know what it takes to make these things happen. Here's a list of conventional and not-so-conventional tactics that are proven to make your child stronger on the inside - where it counts most.

At first, some of these ideas may seem a bit more than unconventional. In fact, you might even think me to be in need of serious help in even suggesting them. But, let me ask you a question:
"If a parent is doing all the "right" things - the things that should affect their child in a positive way - and that child is still lacking in strong qualities like confidence and positive self-esteem...

...what do you do?"

By this point in your life, you've probably learned one of the most important lessons there is; and that is that: Things are not always what they seem. And often, you have to be able to see the "big picture" to be able to get the results you want. For example...

If I were to ask you if you would allow someone to thrust a piece of sharpened, cold steel into your child's body, you'd probably say "no." And, as well you should.

And yet, parents routinely take their children to medical clinics every day to have that precise thing done. Because, if they didn't, they run the risk of their child contracting some of the worst illnesses known to mankind.

Teaching The Lessons That Last a Lifetime

If you really want to help your child to develop an inner strength that will take them far in life - if you want to do everything you can to help them build the kind of rock-solid, inner strength that will allow them to live the life they choose, and to not be targeted as easy prey by the bullies, predators, and manipulators of the world, here's a few things you might want to be doing:

  • 1) Help them find their passion. If your child shows an interest in something, no matter how strange you think it is, try to support it. This will teach your child that his interests are important, even if only to him.
  • 2) Let them fail. That's what I said. There is a lot to learnn from failure. Ask any successful person because they've done it a whole lot more than anybody else! As long as the failure will not cause loss of life or be unsafe, let your child experience failure. This will teach her that some things are a challenge and the importance of commitment to worthwhile things. It also allows them to feel the overwhelming sense of pride in accomplishing something that required work.
  • 3) Make them earn things. Ownership of something is never taken as seriously as when we had to work hard to get it. This holds true just as much for children as for adults. This will teach your child the value of self-reliance and the importance of goal-setting to get what they want.
  • 4) Walk tall and don't complain. Nothing conveys a sense of pride, confidence, and leadership like good posture and an upright stance - both inside and out. It will be difficult for your child to feel confident and strong on the inside when he walks around with slumped shoulders, bowed head, and shuffling feet. And nothing screams "victim," like constant complaining. If yoou do these things, fix them. You can't tell your child to not do something they see you doing all the time. Walking tall and seeking solutions are hallmarks of leaders and strong "individuals." Oh, and by-the-way, these things also signal to a would-be bully or other attacker that your child just might be able to protect themselves.
  • 5) Tell them that they're strong, confident, and other obvious things. This way, your child will learn to talk to themselves this way. Often, the only things children here are corrections and comments when they've done something wrong. Don't praise your child when they've excelled - do it when they are just being them! This teaches them that they don't have to build a Taj Mahal or paint a Mona Lisa to be recognized - that they're good and "okay" just "being themselves."
  • 6) Get them involved in martial arts, dance, or some other study. The martial arts, as-well-as other forms of artistic expression and skill development, offer more than physical activity. They offer a means of learning self-discipline, focus, respect, and many other of the important life skills needed for success. And, while I'm talking about activities...

If you'd like information about how Warrior Concepts Black Belt & Life Mastery can help you teach your child these things, give us a call at 570-884-1118, check out your no-obligation Introductory Trial Program options here, or click this link to download the youth program brochure.

  • 7) Make your child finish what he or she starts. Far too many parents allow their child to start and quit activities again and again. And then, they complain about all the running around they're doing, or can't understand why she wants to drop out of school. They ask, "where did she learn it was okay to quit?" Umm... mirror anyone?

 

BE The Parent!

Many parents counter some or all of the above suggestions with things like...

"I don't want to force him to do anything he doesn't want to do." To which I say...

"BULL!"

I bet these same parents "make" their child do at least a half-dozen things every day that, if left to their own preferences, the child wouldn't do. Things like wiping after using the toilet, brushing their teeth, and a whole bunch more. In fact, using my analogy at the beginning about getting your child their shots...

Does it matter that your child doesn't like it? Does it matter that they cry?

Probably.

Did you do it anyway?

Of course.

Why? To be mean?

Absolutely not.

Because, as their parent who loves them, and an adult with more knowledge, understanding, and information about the dangers and demands of the world... you were looking after their well-being - you were making decisions for them that they were not capable of making for themselves at this point in their life.

Remember, your children are just that, children. They are not an adult brain in a child's body, and therefor lack the same knowledge and understanding that you do.  That means that...

Until a certain age (in their late teens), they will choose to do everything based solely on pain or pleasure. That is, unless they are guided to do things regardless of this basic, primitive instinct, they will make choices solely on this pain/pleasure paradigm... NOT on whether or not a given thing is really good or bad for them.

As adults, we know why some things are important that our children are clue less about.

Instead of giving in to laziness (theirs or ours), temper tantrums, or any of the other tactics they will try to get "their way," you'll feel a much deeper sense of pride and accomplishment knowing that you had a hand in creating that strong, dependable, and confident leader that will be your child in the years to come.

Sure beats the alternative of "hoping" that they turn out "okay." Doesn't it?

Want Help With This?

If so... find out how Warrior Concepts Black Belt & Life Mastery can help you teach your child the critical lessons that will both keep them safe AND give them the tools to be successful in life.

Call the Academy at 570-884-1118, check out your no-obligation Introductory Trial Program options here, or click this link to download the youth program brochure.

anti-bullying, defending against a bullyby Jeffrey M. Miller SPS, DTI

(Originally published March 7th, 2011)

 

Bullying is not new. And with the coming of the internet, it has taken on an even grander reach than ever before. But, when it comes right down to it, bullying is the same, no matter how it's delivered. But, the strategies for defending yourself or your child against the effects of bullying must match the "type" of bully if they are to be effective.

This article explores the 3 bully "types" and how they relate to you or anyone who is being bullied. Because, unless you understand the nature of the assailant, and what's behind his mode of attack, you really can't expect to be very effective.

I know that last statement may sound strong - it may sound too much like warfare - but it is, nevertheless, true. And the reason it's true is because...

Bullying is an attack!

It's an attack on your person, either mentally, physically, or emotionally.

And, until it's treated as such - until a victim or potential victim of a bullying attack, whether it's bullying in school, or bullying in the workplace, is given the proper tools and skills to deal with this type of attack - there will be little to nothing done to stop bullying.

This is true regardless of the popularity or believe-ability of the anti-bullying program being sold!

But, my purpose in this article is not to discuss what's wrong with most anti-bullying programs. My goal here is to shed some light on the 3 distinct types of bullies, and their methods, as-well-as to show you how this information relates to you or any victim, on a very personal (and usable) level.

The 3 Bully "Types"

There was a time when "bully" meant the kid in school who threatened to beat you up if you didn't give him your lunch money. But today, the term is understood to identify anyone who uses force, or the threat of force, to get what they want.

Well... almost.

If you're a parent serious about helping your child to not only deal with bullying, not just now but, for the rest of his or her life... download my free ebook, "How to Really Bully-Proof Your Child" here: http://sunburymartialarts.com/749-2/

That being said...

The 3 types of bullies that one is likely to encounter include:

  • Physical Bully - This is the person that I referred to above. This is usually a male, but in some cases can be female. This is the person who seeks out smaller, "easier" targets where they know that they have the advantage of size, strength, or power. The fist is the preferred weapon of this bully and, in order for the victim to survive, he or she must learn how to handle physical violence.

 

  • Mental/Psychological Bully - This is the person who resorts to name-calling, insults, intimidation, and other tactics meant to demean, belittle, or insult the victim's intelligence, confidence level, or self-esteem. These bullies are typically female, but again, can be males as well. Words are the preferred weapon of this type of bully and, a higher degree of self-confidence, presence, and self-worth are needed to beat this bully.

 

  • Emotional Bullies - While it's true that all bullying effects the victim emotionally, what I'm talking about here are the bullies who use our own emotions against us. They make us wonder if it's us - if we misunderstood what's going on - or if we are the victim of a self-serving, manipulative, and cunning "friend." These are the bullies who use what we normally see as positive things against us. Things like friendship, love, and our relationship to them are actually their weapons of choice - things that we would never consider to be weapons at all. And, the courage and commitment to set fair boundaries and rules within a relationship are the primary weapons for dealing with this very dangerous type of bully.

 

Just as bullies choose their victims based on the characteristics of the victim, the bully also chooses how he or she will attack based on his or her own make-up and belief about themselves. So, a larger, stronger, and more physical person will naturally choose physical intimidation and assault over getting into a psychological battle of intellect and wits with a smarter person. And, an emotionally stale individual will tend more toward manipulation of your emotions rather than being more obvious with mental or physical attacks.

Although it's true that there are no hard absolutes, and that the above is only a guide, there is something that you can bet on. And that is the fact that, if you or your child are the target of a bully, that you have already been assessed by them, and been identified as someone over whom they have the advantage. And, that there is something about you that is not only triggering the bullying...

...but there is something about the way you react that feeds the bully's sense of control and satisfaction.

Just like with the cases involving muggers and criminal assailants choosing victims on the street. You never find the aggressor looking at a superior person - a defender who is stronger, better prepared, etc., as a target. That means that you'll never see a smaller mugger looking at a larger, armed, or trained victim thinking, "I'll attack them. They can kick my butt!"

So, how does this all relate to you or your child? The point is that if you are being targeted with bullying activity...

That you are exhibiting traits and signals to the bully that, for them, says that you are an easy target. And, responding the way you do, gives the bully the power, and the "permission" to continue to do it again. To fix the problem - to really make the bullying stop - you will need to either change the way you carry yourself, or you will need to change the way you relate to the bully altogether.

The truth is that, as long as there is a benefit - as long as there is value - for the bully when they do what they're doing; as long as their are no consequences that they can't live with, then they will continue to do what gives them power over you or your child. To change the game, you must change the ROI, or "return on investment" for the bully.

Regardless of whether you see the new options, or this different way of doing things, as "you" or not!

Isn't it time that you and your child learned how to really defend yourselves against bullying in school and everywhere else? Isn't your health, self-confidence, and well-being worth getting real solutions?

How?

free anti-bullying bookBy learning what really works to stop bullying behavior in it's many forms, having multiple options for each bully (because no single technique, tactic, or strategy is guaranteed to work), and by developing the skills that do just that...to stop it from harming you when it comes in your direction!

If you're a parent who's child is being targeted and desperate about getting the help they need to not only deal with the bullying, but to defend and protect themselves against it... not just now but for the rest of his or her life, I understand.  My free ebook, "How to Really Bully-Proof Your Child" is a great place to start.  It details some of my own troubles and my parent's frustrations when I was being bullied throughout my early school years.  It also shows you why most anti-bullying programs don't work, and gives you some helpful advice for making your child bully-free.

You can download it for free here: http://sunburymartialarts.com/749-2/