Are you a concerned parent looking for ways to help your child deal with bullying in school and other areas of his or her life? Can you feel the anguish that they're experiencing? Well, if you're like me, and scores of other parents dealing with the same thing, the answer is... "Of course?"

Let me ask you a question then.

"What the hell does self-defense have to do with your child beating the crap out of a bully?"

I know that that sounds brash, strong, and even a bit low-class? But... it's nonetheless true!

You see, I teach people how to not get beaten, broken, or killed by others who believe that violence, in any form, is acceptable in getting what they want. And, if your child is the target of bullying, those responsible believe that they can get away with directing their aggression at your baby. But...

That doesn't mean that you have to become a fighter to be able to do that. Sometimes it has more to do with who you are, how you present yourself, and the signals you send to a potential attacker, as to whether or not you're chosen at all!

You and I both know that these same bullies - the ones targeting your child - by-pass a ton of other kids in the process. However, I know something that you may not. And that is that martial arts training can teach your child the important, life-changing lessons that will allow him or her to be able to beat the bully - often "without" fighting at all.

And here we are at my question again. I'll lighten the intensity a bit, but I want you to think about it for a bit. Ready?

"What does your child learning martial arts or self-defense have to do with them beating up the bully?"

The reason that I ask the question is this...

A lot of parents, teachers, and school administrators believe that if your child learns to defend him or herself - if they take up the study of martial arts and learn self-defense skills...

They'll become fighters and be just like the bully.

I'm confronted with this belief and oppositional mindset almost every day.

And, to this I say...

What a load of crap!

Again... I know, I know... too rough.

But, you know what... if I tone this down and apply the same "political correctness" that allows bullying in schools and elsewhere to exist... then I wouldn't be able to help you and your child solve this problem nearly as well. And that, is the truth!

To this objection about martial arts and self-defense training - about empowering the victim, rather than hoping to reeducate the bully - I say...

"So, you'd rather have your child targeted, humiliated, and even beaten, instead of being someone the school bullies are afraid of, and others know they can go to for protection?"

"Would you rather whine, whimper, and "bully" the school, the government, the police - sounding like a victim yourself - hoping that someone else will fix the problem. Or would you rather take the shortcut and give your child the tools that are proven to change the game and make not just "these" bullies go away, but...

...every bully they could ever encounter... for the rest of his or her life?!"

The fact is that most kids who are being picked on, bottle up the frustration, anger, and anxiety - and they hide away until they can't do it anymore - until they literally "explode." Then, one of two things happens: they either explode outwardly and, when they do lash back at the bully, they go WAY overboard. Remember the scene from the movie, "A Christmas Story," where Ralphie turns on the bully and beats him bloody and senseless on the ground? Or, how about Columbine, where two kids lashed back so violently that they went on a shooting spree until they finally turned the guns on themselves!

Or, the ones who don't, explode inwardly and self-destruct, either emotionally or, in many cases, take their own lives - believing that, "This will teach 'them' a lesson!"

So? What does this have to do with martial arts or your child learning how to defend him or herself?

Simple.

The simple fact is that the martial arts, while teaching students how to physically defend themselves from physical attacks, also teach them how to 'deal with violence and aggression.' So, instead of becoming aggressive - instead of learning how to "beat the crap out of the bully," as many believe, your child will develop a sense of calm, in the face of bullying and aggression.

And, they will also develop a sense of confident, disciplined presence - a look of command in their eyes that is a major "Stop" sign to any potential bully.

Do you really want to stop the bullying that your child is experiencing? Do you really want to relieve them of the pain, suffering, mental anguish, and fear of another day dealing with bullying in school, or where ever he or she is experiencing it?

Do you want to see them develop the ability to beat the bully 'without' fighting - to be able to defend themselves if they have to, without becoming that which they fear most?

Then, I highly recommend that you take a serious look at getting your child into a solid, professional, martial arts for kids program. Seriously, it could be the best anti-bullying program you could ever find!

Isn't it time that your child learned how to really defend themselves against bullying in school and everywhere else? Isn't their health, self-confidence, and well-being worth getting real solutions?

How?

By learning what really works to stop bullying behavior, and by giving your child the tools that do just that!

anti-bullying, defending against a bullyby Jeffrey M. Miller SPS, DTI

(Originally published March 7th, 2011)

 

Bullying is not new. And with the coming of the internet, it has taken on an even grander reach than ever before. But, when it comes right down to it, bullying is the same, no matter how it's delivered. But, the strategies for defending yourself or your child against the effects of bullying must match the "type" of bully if they are to be effective.

This article explores the 3 bully "types" and how they relate to you or anyone who is being bullied. Because, unless you understand the nature of the assailant, and what's behind his mode of attack, you really can't expect to be very effective.

I know that last statement may sound strong - it may sound too much like warfare - but it is, nevertheless, true. And the reason it's true is because...

Bullying is an attack!

It's an attack on your person, either mentally, physically, or emotionally.

And, until it's treated as such - until a victim or potential victim of a bullying attack, whether it's bullying in school, or bullying in the workplace, is given the proper tools and skills to deal with this type of attack - there will be little to nothing done to stop bullying.

This is true regardless of the popularity or believe-ability of the anti-bullying program being sold!

But, my purpose in this article is not to discuss what's wrong with most anti-bullying programs. My goal here is to shed some light on the 3 distinct types of bullies, and their methods, as-well-as to show you how this information relates to you or any victim, on a very personal (and usable) level.

The 3 Bully "Types"

There was a time when "bully" meant the kid in school who threatened to beat you up if you didn't give him your lunch money. But today, the term is understood to identify anyone who uses force, or the threat of force, to get what they want.

Well... almost.

If you're a parent serious about helping your child to not only deal with bullying, not just now but, for the rest of his or her life... download my free ebook, "How to Really Bully-Proof Your Child" here: http://sunburymartialarts.com/749-2/

That being said...

The 3 types of bullies that one is likely to encounter include:

  • Physical Bully - This is the person that I referred to above. This is usually a male, but in some cases can be female. This is the person who seeks out smaller, "easier" targets where they know that they have the advantage of size, strength, or power. The fist is the preferred weapon of this bully and, in order for the victim to survive, he or she must learn how to handle physical violence.

 

  • Mental/Psychological Bully - This is the person who resorts to name-calling, insults, intimidation, and other tactics meant to demean, belittle, or insult the victim's intelligence, confidence level, or self-esteem. These bullies are typically female, but again, can be males as well. Words are the preferred weapon of this type of bully and, a higher degree of self-confidence, presence, and self-worth are needed to beat this bully.

 

  • Emotional Bullies - While it's true that all bullying effects the victim emotionally, what I'm talking about here are the bullies who use our own emotions against us. They make us wonder if it's us - if we misunderstood what's going on - or if we are the victim of a self-serving, manipulative, and cunning "friend." These are the bullies who use what we normally see as positive things against us. Things like friendship, love, and our relationship to them are actually their weapons of choice - things that we would never consider to be weapons at all. And, the courage and commitment to set fair boundaries and rules within a relationship are the primary weapons for dealing with this very dangerous type of bully.

 

Just as bullies choose their victims based on the characteristics of the victim, the bully also chooses how he or she will attack based on his or her own make-up and belief about themselves. So, a larger, stronger, and more physical person will naturally choose physical intimidation and assault over getting into a psychological battle of intellect and wits with a smarter person. And, an emotionally stale individual will tend more toward manipulation of your emotions rather than being more obvious with mental or physical attacks.

Although it's true that there are no hard absolutes, and that the above is only a guide, there is something that you can bet on. And that is the fact that, if you or your child are the target of a bully, that you have already been assessed by them, and been identified as someone over whom they have the advantage. And, that there is something about you that is not only triggering the bullying...

...but there is something about the way you react that feeds the bully's sense of control and satisfaction.

Just like with the cases involving muggers and criminal assailants choosing victims on the street. You never find the aggressor looking at a superior person - a defender who is stronger, better prepared, etc., as a target. That means that you'll never see a smaller mugger looking at a larger, armed, or trained victim thinking, "I'll attack them. They can kick my butt!"

So, how does this all relate to you or your child? The point is that if you are being targeted with bullying activity...

That you are exhibiting traits and signals to the bully that, for them, says that you are an easy target. And, responding the way you do, gives the bully the power, and the "permission" to continue to do it again. To fix the problem - to really make the bullying stop - you will need to either change the way you carry yourself, or you will need to change the way you relate to the bully altogether.

The truth is that, as long as there is a benefit - as long as there is value - for the bully when they do what they're doing; as long as their are no consequences that they can't live with, then they will continue to do what gives them power over you or your child. To change the game, you must change the ROI, or "return on investment" for the bully.

Regardless of whether you see the new options, or this different way of doing things, as "you" or not!

Isn't it time that you and your child learned how to really defend yourselves against bullying in school and everywhere else? Isn't your health, self-confidence, and well-being worth getting real solutions?

How?

free anti-bullying bookBy learning what really works to stop bullying behavior in it's many forms, having multiple options for each bully (because no single technique, tactic, or strategy is guaranteed to work), and by developing the skills that do just that...to stop it from harming you when it comes in your direction!

If you're a parent who's child is being targeted and desperate about getting the help they need to not only deal with the bullying, but to defend and protect themselves against it... not just now but for the rest of his or her life, I understand.  My free ebook, "How to Really Bully-Proof Your Child" is a great place to start.  It details some of my own troubles and my parent's frustrations when I was being bullied throughout my early school years.  It also shows you why most anti-bullying programs don't work, and gives you some helpful advice for making your child bully-free.

You can download it for free here: http://sunburymartialarts.com/749-2/

martial arts for kidsHave you ever thought about why some kids are bullied and others - many more in fact, are never approached by the bully? As a former child-victim of just about every bully in my school and neighborhood - I did. And, after literally recreating my life with the lessons that actually work, I discovered something very powerful. I discovered that the very thing that is most lacking in victims of bullies, is the exact same trigger that the bully is looking for!

The focus of this article is on those traits and characteristics that set victims of bullying behavior apart from just about everyone else! What I want to share with you today is the answer to the age old question...

"Why is your child the victim of bullies?"

And, regardless of whether it is because your son or daughter is...

  • Different
  • Shy
  • Quiet
  • Weak
  • Gay
  • Sensitive
  • Fat
  • Skinny
  • Or whatever.
  • It just doesn't matter.

And the reason that it doesn't matter is this (are you ready for a lesson that will be the most difficult to swallow, and may even make you stop reading this article right now?)...

The fact of the matter is that no one is required to "like" your child. Oh sure, we're all taught to accept one another's differences. But does that really change anything?

Not really.

On the outside maybe. But then, all that changes is that most of us "choose" to not say or act on the thoughts we have about others whom we consider to be...

  • Funny-looking
  • Strange
  • Retarded
  • Stupid
  • Or any other descriptors that we use on a regular basis - but never speak out loud.

The reality of the world is that there will always be those who do not filter their thoughts, words, and actions - there will always be people who believe that, to get what they want, it is okay to use force, or the threat of force to get it!

"But, I can hear you asking, "what does this have to do with the kids who aren't being bullied?" Why am I talking about your child, and the thoughts that you have about others?

And here is the point. The point is that, neither you, I, or any law ever created can really stop those who really want to act out in harmful, destructive ways.

And that goes for bullying too!

No amount of re-education, punishment, or attempts to reason with people who "want" to bully, is going to stop bullying.

And, this is where the solution lies...

It doesn't have to!

No. Because, if we could just see beyond the fact that it's "our child" who's being bullied, we could see that the vast majority of kids in your child's group...

Are NOT being bullied!

And, the reason for that is two-fold. First, there are certain traits that the bullies are looking for, that your child not only possesses, but displays openly that attract bullies to them. And...

The way that your child responds to a bully's advances tells the bully that he's found what he needs - a victim.

So, why don't most kids have to deal with bullies? It's because they do not exhibit the traits and signals that bullies are looking for, and when someone does approach them with bullying behavior...

They don't respond in a way that makes themselves an accomplice to their own bullying!

They possess the one trait that is virtually guaranteed to make any bully look elsewhere. And that trait is:

"Confidence!

If you really want to make it so that your child knows how to deal with a bully, you must start with the heart-breaking task of accepting that your child displays the signs that predators are looking for. You must discover why they believe the bully's attacks on them are real, and hurtful.

And then, you must be courageous enough to take the action necessary, either on your own or by getting outside help, to give your child the tools, lessons, and skills necessary to stop bullying from "effecting" them. Even if that means enrolling your child in a program that teaches martial arts for kids because the bullying that your child is dealing with is raw aggression and physical violence.

Let me say it again...

It doesn't matter if your child is any of those things that I listed before. What matters is their response when someone makes fun of that thing. Because, if they are secure in their "shortness," like the way they look, or are really okay with being "who" they are... I wouldn't be talking to you about your child.

And, remember also that, it doesn't matter if you don't want your child to fight. If they are attacked physically, by a bully now, or by a criminal assailant later in life - and they haven't been given the tools to "not get beaten, broken, or killed," that's EXACTLY what's going to happen to them! It's not about "fighting."

"It's about "surviving" - mentally, physically, emotionally, and at their core!

If you do not deal with the reality that, even if you stop bullying from touching your child now, that the same traits that drew previous bullies, will attract others later on when he or she is in a different school, in college, or on the job, you are living in denial, ignorance, and dependent on others to make the problem go away.

The truth is that you will never be able to stop bullying from occurring in the world. Never.

But, you can take very real, and very effective steps to ensure that bullying - and the effect of bullying - does not touch your child in a way that does any real harm!

Are you ready to give your child the lessons and tools that will really show them how to deal with bullies and to stop bullying? How? By understanding that much of what is currently being taught in most of the so-called anti-bullying programs simply doesn't work!